we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
