Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
