i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
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Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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