The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Randomize
