Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Your cock deserves a montage
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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