I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
