I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
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