The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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