dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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