we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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