So drunk, too bad you don't want this
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
