Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
