mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
i need some magic done to my vagina
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
