Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
