were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
