carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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