I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
