wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
