First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
