i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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