Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
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worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
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I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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