that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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