wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
