I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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