so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
