New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
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I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
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sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.