Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
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Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.