you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza