Texts From Last Night

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  (858): View more from California

  I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.

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  (858): I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association. http://tfl.nu/vbvm
  Replies (15) Good night (4449) Bad night (558)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".

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  (734): we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS". http://tfl.nu/4yux
  Replies (23) Good night (766) Bad night (5862)
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  (718): View more from New York

  Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.

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  (718): Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex. http://tfl.nu/mdk4
  Replies (14) Good night (4984) Bad night (696)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks

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  (813): So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks http://tfl.nu/x484
  Replies (13) Good night (6026) Bad night (974)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.

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  (208): I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants. http://tfl.nu/k57a
  Replies (21) Good night (1374) Bad night (5377)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.

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  (224): I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring. http://tfl.nu/u70q
  Replies (6) Good night (2493) Bad night (770)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.

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  (512): I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low. http://tfl.nu/zwn3
  Replies (4) Good night (1247) Bad night (704)
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  (916): View more from California

  She said she liked strap-ons.

  (1-916): View more from California

  SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!

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  (916): She said she liked strap-ons. (1-916): SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER! http://tfl.nu/41v6
  Replies (14) Good night (3053) Bad night (767)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?

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  (516): I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight? http://tfl.nu/oach
  Replies (3) Good night (827) Bad night (542)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.

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  (314): It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved. http://tfl.nu/gg0m
  Replies (3) Good night (952) Bad night (502)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.

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  (404): I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things. http://tfl.nu/rlo1
  Replies (3) Good night (1141) Bad night (413)
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  (518): View more from New York

  If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.

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  (518): If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon. http://tfl.nu/vgjv
  Replies (3) Good night (419) Bad night (788)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.

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  (304): I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned. http://tfl.nu/jnka
  Replies (5) Good night (915) Bad night (366)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco

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  (202): walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco http://tfl.nu/wpyq
  Replies (1) Good night (420) Bad night (628)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina

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  (203): I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina http://tfl.nu/g6m0
  Replies (6) Good night (618) Bad night (321)

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