True but thats because hes a fetus.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it