he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize