Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
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apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
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when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".