I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
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In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
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Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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