Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
