Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
