Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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