the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
