my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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