goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
