i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
