He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.