it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record