fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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