i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
