Just cropdusted the office
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
