we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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