she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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