You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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