I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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