I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I've blown a few things in my day
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
