My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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