i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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