bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
