Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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