Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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