college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
