Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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