i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
