it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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