I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
