We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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