yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
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you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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