Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Randomize
