uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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