One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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