he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He did a backflip because drugs
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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