I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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