He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
