i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
