Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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