the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
