I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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