stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
