My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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