A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread