I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.