i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning