her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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